According to the experts, if you are divorced and interested in dating, keep the kids out of it.
"You don't introduce new partners, new friends into kids lives until you are pretty sure this is going to be a serious relationship," said clinical psychologist Dr. Gerald Berger.
After divorce, it takes time for kids to get used to mom and dad being apart, give it a few months before introducing them to others.
"Kids are very sensitive to loss and to change and try to help kids not to be exposed to multiple relationships that kids get their hopes up and they get disappointed. We need to be sensitive to kids to having exposed them to loss and not be traumatized to that issue," said Berger.
Parents must set aside alone time with the kids. Before the introductions, it's best to make sure the kids are stable.
According to the experts, if you are divorced and interested in dating, keep the kids out of it. Marcie Fraser explains.
When it comes to disciplining the step kids, the experts warn step parents should not do it until a trusting relationship is developed and that can take years.
When Liz Cooper was just six, her dad remarried and being disciplined by her stepmom was a problem.
"Deep down it always bothered me, like, why are you punishing me, why are you telling me things," said Cooper.
"We need to understand that dad's new wife and mom's new husband are just adults in the household and they are not the parent and they probably should not be disciplining kids until a trusting relationship is formed, and until a bond or an attachment is formed," Berger said.
As a child, tension between the adults made it tough on Liz.
"When it came to my mom and stepmom, real conflict to this day 20 years later, they still don't get along," Cooper said.
And what do you do with the teen that frequently states, “You're not my parent, don't tell me what to do?”
"I think the teenager probably is correct. Although you are not my mother doesn't mean that I don't respect you as an adult. The guideline is that we need to teach kids and teenagers to respect adults but that doesn't mean we need to be disciplined by the new parent," Berger said.
And how do you handle the "I hate you" phrase some kids chant?”
"Kids get angry for lots of different reasons and it comes out as, I hate you, and sometimes we need to understand it comes out as an expression of anger and maybe protest against what has happened with their parents. Sometimes it goes back to hopes of reconciliation, I wish my mom and my dad were still together, so I am going to be angry at you," said Berger.
For more information you can contact Saratoga Psychological Associates (518) 587-0499, ext 16 or send an email to drberger@saratogapsych.com.